Wednesday, March 30, 2011

And a measurable quantity of bizarre behavior.

There's something I've been forgetting to mention for the last couple of days now.

I've been coughing something violent, and... I think even I can put two and two together without the aid of a well placed look or obscure reference. I'm still disturbed by the dreams, which seem to hover between body horror and something else entirely inappropriate, and...

I don't know anymore. What am I suppose to do, what should I say?

He follows me, like He follows more people than would care to admit that, and it's begun to take it's toll on me in ways that I didn't even know I could feel stress - I'm losing sleep. I haven't slept a single restful night in almost a week now, and when I do coax my body to relax and succumb to unconsciousness He just follows me there as well, and I end up worse than I had been before closing my eyes.

I've become so restless, unfulfilled, irritable. Paranoia and disorientation are already a normal occurrence in my everyday life, but now I need to contend with the ridiculous notion that my body is going to betray me as well; or that I'll slip and words will escape and I'll infect someone else and - 



I need to talk to Parker again.
But... I wonder, will she hate me like I hate myself if I get her involved? I feel like being selfish tonight, you see.


...Sorry, Parker.

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