Thursday, March 24, 2011

There was no punctuation when I told them, and no rejuvenating breaths.


Didn't get my eyes checked today, too much going on at home to find the excuse to slip out. Maybe I'll go tomorrow. I've been getting headaches, but they're very faint - like they're not really headaches, so much as their little reminders of what's going on in our heads past the scientific notion that thinking won't hurt you.

I've been exchanging emails with a charming young lady named Parker from the United States, and while we're still in that fragile point of friendship where you and the person get acquainted, where revealing everything you think is wrong inside your head isn't an option at the time; I have to confess she's growing on me in ways I didn't think I'd appeal to people at all. She's clever, pragmatic, and a little reckless - but that's just what makes me love her more. And convinced I can't involve her in this fiasco that's clearly a derogatory regression of my mind, because impossibly tall, faceless men don't exist, and they don't stand in the shadow of the vacant field next to your bedroom window in either the light of day or the dead of night.

Theoretically, this shouldn't bother me. No, it should bother me, but it doesn't. Or rather, it does; but not in the way you would think. It's easy to think about it during the day, because bogeymen don't come out when the sun is up. Last night, for the first time in years since I was a child, I slept with the covers pulled over my head, curled in on myself and absolutely dead quiet - if you think about not thinking about him, does that count? And if it did count, shouldn't that go to say that me sitting here, in the shadow of early evening writing what in essence is an electronic shout out just another way for him to track me down?

...I shouldn't put too much stock into it. I doubt anyone is reading this, not when their are others who write about their own experiences in terrifying detail - Funny, I almost think I'm jealous. I'd like to talk to the others, the ones he's Touched; see what they did in the earliest stages of the H(a)unt, but...










I don't want to be a bother.

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